Holiday Survival Guide
While the holiday season is often filled with joy and celebration, it can also bring a flood of difficult emotions such as stress, anxiety, sadness, grief, loneliness, and dread. Family dynamics, relationships, time management, financial pressure, and obligations can make this one of the hardest times of the year. Here are some tips to help you navigate these trying times in an effort to maintain your mental health and overall well-being.
Say “No”
As a person who genuinely enjoys helping others, I fully understand how difficult it can be to say “no.” Some people were raised to believe that it was selfish to decline requests or invitations or that saying “no” is rude. Perhaps you lack confidence or are worried about how someone will respond to your “no.” You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or affect the relationship. Maybe you fear some kind of retaliation or that it will impact that promotion you’ve been hoping for. Unfortunately, sometimes it is necessary for us to say “no.” It can be especially difficult if there is an unequal power dynamic or you have never said “no” to this person before. “No” is a full sentence, but if that sounds too difficult, you can soften it up a bit by simply saying, “Thank you so much for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do that/attend this time.” That is all. There’s no need for over-explaining yourself. If they continue pushing, stick to the basic, “I’d really love to, unfortunately, I’m not able to.” Fight the urge to give in!
Set Boundaries
With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, we are often limited in our free time. Think about the people you want and don’t want to spend time with this season. Prioritize time with people who love, support, and accept you. Limit time with those whom you have a complicated, unhealthy, or toxic relationship with. In situations where you cannot avoid spending time with them, identify the topics that typically lead to arguments and unhealthy interactions. If those topics are brought up, kindly let them know that you are not willing to discuss these topics with them. Walk away if you have to. Remember, you are not responsible for how others respond to your boundary setting. That is on them.
Embrace Imperfection
You may have a vision of how things “should” be done. Maybe this was how things were done growing up and anything outside of that familiar norm feels uncomfortable, or even wrong. The decorations should be a certain way. The menu must include certain items and recipes that you just don’t have the time or energy to cook. It may help to develop a new perspective of what the holidays mean to you, the true meaning of what is important to you. Remind yourself of what really matters to you. Embrace that, and let go of the rigid traditions that get in the way. Start new traditions. Simpler traditions. Create new memories. Allow yourself to laugh when you burn the casserole and shrug at the uneven decorations. Embrace the imperfection of being human.
Do Less
Simplify things this season. Make a list of what you have on your plate and prioritize. Cross out unnecessary items that contribute to your workload. We often feel we are never doing enough to “create the magic” of the season but sometimes, less really is more. I guarantee your loved ones would rather have quality time with a healthy you, than “all the things” you buy and do. Hey, that rhymes!
Spend Time Outside in Nature
Research continues to prove the positive effects that nature can have on us. Whether you find the perfect trail in a forest, or just take a walk through your neighborhood, getting out of the house and into the fresh air is extremely beneficial to your physical and mental health. So take a stroll and look for tiny, unassuming bits of beauty in the world around you. It doesn’t have to be long or exerting; start small and celebrate your efforts.
Spend Less
Don’t go into debt trying to impress others or make them happy. Be honest with yourself about what you can afford. You don’t have to spend a fortune to let someone know you care. Make a list of who you plan to buy gifts for and prioritize. Then set a realistic budget for each person and stick to it. Shop early to avoid last minute overspending and potentially higher shipping rates. It is also completely okay to cut people from the gift list, even if you may have bought gifts for them in the past. A heartfelt note expressing your gratitude and appreciation for someone can go a long way without breaking the bank.
Take a Break
I know, I know, no one has time for that. Our schedules are jam-packed with upcoming obligations, unfinished chores, and unappreciated efforts. However, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself (and your family) is to take care of yourself. Sometimes we need to stop and take a break to recharge so that we can show up as our true, authentic selves, rather than a frazzled shell of who we truly are. Are you exhausted? Take a nap. Are you overwhelmed and over-scheduled? Press pause to read a book or watch a funny movie. Give yourself full permission to put on your own oxygen mask first. You deserve it. And your family and friends will thank you.
Connect with Others
The holidays can often feel isolating. Is there someone you have been thinking about that you have lost touch with? Reach out to them. Don’t be afraid to send a quick text or message. Let them know you’ve been thinking of them and would love to catch up or get together sometime. Did you have a falling out with someone? If they were a special person in your life, their friendship might be worth the discomfort of taking the first step to resolve the conflict. Be open and honest and apologize if it’s warranted.
Do Something You Enjoy (or at least used to enjoy)
When we have too many obligations and lack motivation, it can be difficult to imagine doing something for fun. Think of one thing you enjoy, or something you used to enjoy that you haven’t done in a while. Find one small way that you can intentionally participate in that activity. It doesn’t have to be big or time consuming. Put on your favorite song and belt it out in the shower or turn it up and dance like no one is watching. Draw, paint, color, build, create. Connect with your inner child.
Be Kind and Gentle to Yourself
Holidays are often a reminder of those we have lost, those we may have spent holidays with in the past. Relationships which may have been pleasant, unpleasant, or more often, extremely complicated. We may experience complex emotions that are difficult to recognize and even harder to cope with. The result of these emotions may lead to unhelpful behaviors including isolation, unhealthy methods of numbing out/avoiding, or lashing out in ways that are “not us.” Be gentle with and kind to yourself in these moments. Acknowledge the painful feelings. Remind yourself that these are normal human experiences that all people feel at some time. Nurture yourself with compassionate words. If it is difficult to find appropriate words, think of what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your shoes. Offer yourself the same love and support.
*If you find yourself needing more support this holiday season, please reach out to a licensed therapist for help.
*If you are experiencing extreme distress, are in crisis, or are having suicidal thoughts, please call 988, 24-7 for immediate, free, and confidential support. You are more than worth it. <3
